Myself, Friends, Associates, & Accomplices

"It's a definite plus if you don't cause any massive over- or underpressure in this room."
--Me to a classmate while listening to a lecture on safety in chemistry lab

"Hey, there's something warm under my foot...oh, it's my other foot."
--Jenn, in a moment of blonde-ness

"It resembles a Gigantic Demonic Tri-Skulled Ferret Of Doom -- but in a good way"
--Jenn, describing the 3Weasel logo

"You're our sex symbol...our James Dean/Jim Morrison..."
--Zoggie

"Christmas songs would ALL sound better on electric guitars."
--Jenn

"I don't want my car's crumple zones to protect me...I want OTHER cars' crumple zones to protect me."
--Me

"Baker, you're insane…I like that in you."
--Tiffany S.

"Aaahhh…caffeine…"
--Me

Ryan: "Clyde, define 'subservient'"
Clyde: "Yassuh, Massuh!"
--Ryan & Clyde, when asked what "subservient" means

"If motorcycles were meant to fly, God would've given them wings...Harley-Davidson, Honda..."
--My uncle Bob, watching a motocross race

"Tabasco sauce makes everything taste better: monkey, snake..."
--My dad, ex-Green Beret

"Do you think this is a natural lake?"
--My mom, looking down at the 200-foot tall Lake Greeson Narrows Dam in Arkansas

"Justice demands an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Revenge demands both eyes, and a whole mouthful of teeth."
--My dad

Famous People:

"Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated."
--Mark Twain

"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You win by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country."
--Gen. George S. Patton

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-- Frank Zappa

TV & Movies:

"Ooooh Nooooo!"
--Mr. Bill, Saturday Night Live

"Mmmmmmm...beer..."
--Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"There are no atheists in a combat situation!"
--SGM Hafner,The Siege of Firebase Gloria

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
--Inigo Montoya, Princess Bride

"Be not that far from me, for trouble is near; haste Thee to help me."
"Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight."
"My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me."
"O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me."
--Pvt. Jackson, Saving Private Ryan, while aiming sniper rifle

Other:

"The new 'Hushed' Ride. As quiet as honey on velvet!"
--1950 Ford car advertisement's description of how quiet the car is